FacebookLinkedInTwitter
Items filtered by date: December 2013
Saturday, 21 December 2013 23:36

365

This year, 2013, I had a significant birthday. I prefer not to talk about age, as personally I believe that age is a state of mind. For instance as I sit and write this I feel every ache and pain in my body from the yoga session I did yesterday. My eyes are all gritty from the late nights and no sleep after a weekend at a festival, and an unintentional late finish for a friends leaving drinks. Today I feel more like 60 than my actual years. Tomorrow, will be different. I digress. 

This year has been a year long celebration of life. Mine. As a consequence I've spent a considerable amount of time and money on alcohol. Don't get me wrong I've loved nearly every minute of it (there have been the occasional mornings where I wish I hadn't indulged quite so much). Now 2013 is drawing to a close and I have been reflecting on the year that was and the over indulgence. I have been contemplating 2014 and what I want to achieve. Living cleaner, more simply. So I thought I would give up alcohol for a while. Initially, I thought I'd do a month. A month is a good period of time. A month I can definitely do and have done before. The whole month of January or perhaps February for Feb Fast. But then I started thinking…Is that really a challenge. One month. Perhaps I could do three, from January 1 to March 31. That is a good period of time to give the old liver a rest. 

But, I think i could manage 3 months. If I was really going to challenge myself, what about a whole year alcohol free? Could I do it? Could I give up my nightly glass of vino? Could I give up the stress relief that can often be found in a glass of vino? Could I give up drinking at all the social events and occasions with my friends? Could I? I've been testing the premise with a few people. The reaction/response has been interesting. Everyone has without fail, said - You? You do a year without alcohol? why would you do that? Do a month, see how you go. Not one person has said, do it. Back yourself. And the funny thing is that the more people have said I can't, the more I want to do it. Call me a mis-matcher, call me crazy, call me anything you like, that year without alcohol is looking pretty good. 

What could I achieve with my; 

Yoga? 

Running? 

Saving? 

Creativity? 

52 Saturdays that I would wake up to without a hangover and be able to go to yoga. 52 weekends of being creative, of writing and of reading. 

52 weeks of clarity, of achievement. 

365 days where my liver and my system get a rest. Time to heal. 

 

Could I do it? Yes. 

Will I do it? Watch this space.

Published in Blog
Monday, 16 December 2013 19:44

Closing Chapters

It wasn’t until I found out in the later half of this year that I was in a personal year 9 that it started to make sense. I had noticed a trend about half way through the year that was curious. People kept popping into my life, people that I hadn’t seen in a while, people that I wasn’t expecting.

A nine year is a year of endings. A year of taking stock, cementing learning and passing on wisdom. A year of letting go of what no longer serves you; finishing up loose ends and unfinished business.

A year of closing chapters.

In particular, this year it has been old boyfriends, lovers, that over the years have had an impact, some of them significant, in my life. Mostly the interactions have been minor, a bumping into, a glance or spotting at a distance. Just recently, though I closed a significant chapter. This chapter began years ago during my first year of university. My first love. When the ending was written it rocked my world, my heart lay broken.


Firstly let me say I take ownership of the part I played in the relationship. I allowed it to happen. I allowed the bad behaviour instead of reinforcing my boundaries. I ignored the warning signs. So when I discovered that he had slept with someone else, I was devastated. It felt as though my heart had been ripped out. It took years to allow me back in, let alone anyone else. Several years ago I decided I needed to be whole again, I had to be complete I had to like myself and love myself before I could let anyone else in. I had no idea at the time of making that decision, it would take several years.

Fast forward to 2013.

I recently went away for a weekend with friends to a music festival, to a city where I knew he was living. Since moving to Australia I have often wondered what he is doing with his life. How he is, and if he is happy. We’d had contact several years back and I had a mobile number, but I had no idea if it was still active. Then of course there was always the dilemma of opening old wounds and whether or not he would want to hear from me. Advice from a few people was to leave well enough alone, don't tempt fate. Something was nagging at me, I really felt like I needed to do this for me. To get closure. So after landing in Perth and after some dutch courage, I sent a text, not expecting to get a reply. When one came through about 5 minutes later I was stunned…suddenly it was all very real. It was really happening…

What would he be like?
Would the old chemistry still be there?
What would he think of me?

The appointed time arrived two days later and so did he. I was nervous, though excited to see someone I had not seen since University. To see someone who had had such a significant impact in my life.

Nothing could quite prepare me for what happened.

I didn’t feel anything.

He was fatter, gone was the athletic young man of his youth. The boy who as long as I had known him been physically fit.

He wasn’t as tall as I remembered. Perhaps because while we had been going out, I had put him on a pedestal.

Apart from the physical change, he was the same person I remember. The farmers son who had very fixed views about the world.

During our time together I realised that we had taken very different paths and had little in common;

I have tattoos, he doesn't like them.

I’m not married, he is.

I don’t have children, he does.

I’ve travelled, he hasn’t.

My life is independent, spontaneous and relatively carefree. His is full of responsibility.

What became very apparent, was I’ve changed. Changed from the naive girl that he had met in our first year of university. Changed into someone that I could be proud of. Changed into someone who I like, who I love. I had let go of all the shit that I had been carrying around with me for such a long time and become me. Become more of who I have always been.

Light. Energetic. Sparkly.

 


Have you ever had the opportunity to close chapters in your life? What were your insights? Share your thoughts in the comments.

Published in Blog
Polls

Unconventional Army

Pink - Bad Influence - 100%
ACDC - Breaking the Rules - 0%
Steppenwolf - Born to be Wild - 0%
David Bowie - Rebel Rebel - 0%
Status Quo - Break the Rules - 0%

Total votes: 2
The voting for this poll has ended on: 28 Aug 2014 - 07:55
Newsletter